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The celebrated, of course, are apt to fall into a world of drugs, drink, broken marriages and bankruptcy but even this is given the glamour treatment instead of the squalid misery that it is in reality. The majority of Number One’s are achieved early on in the artist’s public career and before they have been able to establish reputations and build a solid fan base.

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TO RECEIVE THIS GUARANTEE PLEASE WRITE TO KLF PUBLICATIONS, BOX 283, HP21 7HG, U. WITH YOUR NAME, ADDRESS AND A PHOTOCOPY OF YOUR PURCHASE RECEIPT AND AN S. “HOW TO HAVE A NUMBER ONE – THE EASY WAY” Be ready to ride the big dipper of the mixed metaphor. GUARANTEE – HOW TO OBTAIN IT WE GUARANTEE THAT WE WILL REFUND THE COMPLETE PRICE OF THIS MANUAL IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO ACHIEVE A NUMBER ONE SINGLE IN THE OFFICIAL (GALLUP) U. CHARTS WITHIN THREE MONTHS OF THE PURCHASE OF THIS MANUAL AND ON CONDITION THAT YOU HAVE FULFILLED OUR INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER. WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK MARIE O’FLAHERTY FOR HER DEDICATION AND HARD WORK ABOVE AND BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY AND WITHOUT WHOM WE WOULD NOT HAVE COMPLETED THIS MANUAL.THE TIMELORDS T H E M A N U A L (HOW TO HAVE A NUMBER ONE THE EASY WAY) THE JUSTIFIED ANCIENTS OF MU MU REVEAL THEIR ZENARCHISTIC METHOD USED IN MAKING THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPEN. The prison is then complete; either the artist will be destroyed in their attempt to prove to the world that there are other facets to their creativity or they succumb willingly and spend the rest of their lives as a travelling freak show, peddling a nostalgia for those now far off, carefree days. Most never have the chance of a repeat performance and slide ungracefully into years of unpaid tax, desperately delaying all attempts to come to terms with the only rational thing to do – get a nine to five job.KLF 009B 1988 (YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONE) TEXT BY: LORD ROCK AND TIME BOY A. Even if the unsuspecting artiste doesn’t know the above, rest assured most of the record business does but for some lemming-like reason refuses to acknowledge it. THE FOREVER ANCIENTS LIBERATION LOOPHOLE KLF PUBLICATIONS, BOX 283, HP22 5BW KLF PUBLICATIONS IS A KLF COMMUNl CATIONS COMPANY KLF COMMUNICATIONS 1988 FIRST PUBUSHED 1988 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

They continue to view the act’s cheaply recorded, debut blockbuster as striking gold and will spend the next few years pumping fortunes into studio time, video budgets and tour support whilst praying for a repeat of the miracle and the volume album sales that bring in the real money.

Now, we all know that pop music is not going to save the world but it does, undeniably, create a filing system for the memory banks.

If parts get too boring just fast forward – all the way to the end if need be.

This only festers and grows proportionately as the band gets bigger and no band ever grows out of it.

All bands end in tantrums, tears and bitter acrimony. That said, it can be very helpful to have a partner, someone who you can bounce ideas off and vice versa. that you will convince the largest cross section of the British public to go out and buy your record.

The fact that a record is Number One automatically means the track is in a very short period of time going to become over exposed and as worthless as last month’s catchphrase.