Hanna Rosin posted a piece at Slate's Double X last week about gay male couples and monogamy--or rather their lack of it.
Rosin said that some gay couples' resistance to monogamy might be a model that hetero couples could learn from.
That novel came out 20 years ago and revealed a history of how dykes lived before Stonewall. Our tongues discovered a silent language to express our needs. Later eras would continue to perpetuate the U-Haul as a wink-nudge measure of lesbian commitment.
The book contains what might be the first literary mention of U-Hauling, when Jess, the butch main character, meets Theresa, who will eventually wear her ring: After dinner I helped her wash the dishes and clean up. Early '90s comic Lea De Laria, who billed herself as "That Fucking Dyke," made it into an actual joke on The Arsenio Hall Show: "What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
What if this is the only date you’ll have all year?
If you’re looking for someone you can hang out with in real life, focus your initial energy on hanging out in real life.
But it’s okay if the conversation doesn’t flow naturally! Don’t pretend you hate tuna tartare just because they’re vegan. Don’t wear clothes that make you feel anything other than awesome. A lot of the language in these posts is intended to make them easy to find on search engines.
You don’t know each other (or if you do, you don’t know each other in a dating context), you haven’t established a shared language, you don’t know where the conversational landmines are, and you might both be a little nervous. There will probably be awkward silences and those are okay, too. The point is to be you, not a version of yourself that you think someone else might like. Some of the body parts we talk about will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t."This kind of openness may infect the straight world," she wrote, "and heterosexual couples may actually start to tackle the age-old problem of boring monogamous sex." She based her points on Liza Mundy's recent Atlantic cover story on why gay couples are in many ways happier than straight couples, as well as on recent data showing gay male couples are not the most monogamous people on the planet.A rebuttal by Nathaniel Frank took the data from both sources to task: "None of these sources show that 'most gay couples aren't monogamous,'" he wrote."U-Hauling"--packing up and moving in together after knowing each other for just three months--is perhaps the greatest tradition (and punchline) in lesbian culture.This "urge to merge" had a basis in practicality in the '50s and early '60s, when gay couples had to remain in the shadows.And the only way for someone to like you for who you are is to be who you are just as hard as you can. This is as much about whether you like her as whether she likes you. Some of the pronouns will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t.